Two men in Rochester, New York, have become the latest cautionary tale in the ever-growing chronicles of “Why You Shouldn’t Do That.” These two wannabe cannabis cultivators, aged 59 and 64, decided to cut corners and go au naturel by fertilizing their crops with bat poop—yes, bat poop—only to find themselves on the receiving end of Darwin’s unyielding judgment.
The culprit? A nasty little fungus known as Histoplasma capsulatum, which thrives in bat droppings and is infamous for causing histoplasmosis—a severe lung infection that’s essentially pneumonia on steroids. According to reports in Live Science and an Oxford Academic journal, these men inhaled spores released during their, uh, poop-handling process.
Here’s the kicker: one guy had the bright idea to buy the stuff online, while the other thought he’d save a buck by raiding his attic after a “significant” bat infestation. Because nothing says good gardening practices like bat guano scraped from the rafters of your haunted attic.
Symptoms of their fungal folly included chronic coughing, fever, blood poisoning, and respiratory failure—all hallmarks of a disease that should’ve been avoided by simply not using bat poop. Despite being hospitalized and dosed with antifungal meds, neither man made it out alive.
Bat guano—beloved by some cannabis cultivators for its high levels of nitrogen, phosphorus, and potassium—has a reputation as the “organic” grower’s best friend. But here’s a pro tip: not all that’s natural is safe. Just because bats make it doesn’t mean it belongs in your basement grow-op.
What’s the lesson here? Maybe it’s time we start respecting the science behind safe cannabis cultivation and stop trying to reinvent the wheel with questionable shortcuts. Because if you’re willing to risk fungal infections and respiratory failure to save a few bucks on Miracle-Gro, you might be too stupid to be trusted with a plant, let alone a bong.
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