Welcome to Louisiana, where the legislative circus just rolled out a new set of absurd restrictions on THC products. As we step into 2025, the state’s latest hemp laws are set to hamstring small businesses—because God forbid we let a little cannabis flourish in the land of drive-through daiquiris. Yes, you read that right: while lawmakers tighten the noose on seltzers and gummies, you can still sip a frozen cocktail while driving, with nothing more than a flimsy straw wrapper to keep you “safe.” Talk about a complete fucking joke.
State Rep. Mandie Landry claims these new regulations are a noble step toward fixing the past. But let’s get real: what they’ve done is slap a Band-Aid on a gaping wound, all while ignoring the real killer on the roads—alcohol. In the grand scheme, THC has been a nonexistent threat, yet here we are, punishing a burgeoning industry that’s trying to claw its way to legitimacy.
Starting January 1, 2025, if you’re under 21, forget about enjoying those award-winning hemp products. You won’t find them at gas stations—those bastions of convenience that sell you booze and cigarettes without batting an eye. Joe Gerrity, CEO of Crescent Canna, has already warned that this regulatory mess is an existential threat, and he’s not wrong. They’ve had to repackage, reformulate, and wrestle with red tape, all while trying to keep their heads above water.
The new law caps THC at a laughable 5 milligrams per serving. Meanwhile, you can guzzle daiquiris on the highway like it’s Mardi Gras and the cops are looking the other way. What’s the rhyme or reason behind these arbitrary numbers? None. It’s a concoction of confusion, politics, and a blatant disregard for actual science.
Doctors at Harvard have pointed out that THC affects people differently. Some may get paranoid; others might feel just fine. But the state? They’ve decided that a one-size-fits-all approach is the way to go. Gerrity fears that with these restrictions, consumers will flock to the black market for more potent—and more dangerous—options, like THC-P. Irony abounds as the legislators push people toward riskier substances while claiming to protect them.
The hypocrisy drips from every corner of this legislative farce. Rep. Landry may acknowledge that cannabis is here to stay, but let’s not kid ourselves; this is still a war on weed, dressed up in the garb of safety and regulation. In a state that thrives on its vices, the hypocrisy is as thick as the smoke filling the air.
So here we stand, at the crossroads of progress and prohibition, with lawmakers too busy patting themselves on the back to notice they’ve just shot themselves in the foot. As the THC restrictions loom, the real question remains: when will they wake up and smell the cannabis? Or will we just continue to laugh at the absurdity of it all while the real dangers slip through the cracks?
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