I Survived Bonnaroo ’25 and All I Got Was This Cough and a Chemical Tan

A Gen X misfit wanders into the blistering chaos of Bonnaroo 2025, expecting to cover a music festival and instead finds himself knee-deep in vape clouds, serotonin depletion, and existential glitter. What follows is a fictionalized descent into cultural confusion, heatstroke, and a rave tent that may or may not be a septic tank.

10 Types of People You Always See at a Music Festival

Festivals are not clean, polite, or predictable. They are messy, chaotic, and full of the strangest creatures you will ever meet. From the sunscreen-spraying maniacs to the oblivious braless bouncers, we are rolling out the ultimate human zoo you will find in every music field. If you do not see yourself in this guide, you are not looking hard enough.

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