The Best Places to Work If You Love Weed

_{^{Filed Under: Jobs That Won’t Piss Test You}}

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(A Career Guide for the Chronically Chilled)

Look, we all know the dream job doesn’t exist. But if it did, it would involve getting paid to lounge in a hammock, puffing on a joint the size of a baby’s arm while some benevolent benefactor Venmos you the rent just for existing. Sadly, the world doesn’t work that way (yet), and until universal basic income becomes a reality, you’re going to need a job that pays for your weed habit without pissing in a cup to make sure you aren’t having a good time on your own time.

So, where do the enlightened souls among us work when we don’t want The Man sniffing around our personal choices? Let’s break it down.

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1. The Cannabis Industry (Duh, Of Course, Obviously)

If you’re looking for a place that not only doesn’t care about your weed habit but actively encourages it, welcome to the promised land. Dispensaries, grow ops, and cannabis media companies are the holy grail of “Jobs That Won’t Harsh Your Mellow.”

• Budtender – Basically a weed bartender. You get to talk about strains like a sommelier, only instead of sniffing corks, you’re describing how Purple Space Monkey will transport the customer to another dimension.

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• Grower – Ever wanted to be a farmer but without the backbreaking labor and soul-crushing debt? Welcome to the wonderful world of growing legal weed.

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• Edibles Chef – If you can bake a brownie without setting the kitchen on fire, this might be your calling. Bonus: Free samples.

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• Delivery Driver – Think Uber Eats, but instead of dropping off cold fries to drunk people, you’re delivering bliss. (Tip well, you monsters.)

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• Weed Writer / Cannabis Journalist – Oh look, a job that applies to me. If you can string together sentences about terpenes, legalization, and why the DEA can go fuck itself, this might be your golden ticket. Cannabis magazines need people who actually know what they’re talking about—strain reviewers, policy writers, investigative reporters, and people who can make a weed joke without sounding like a hack from 2005.

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• Magazine Editor – Think of being a journalist, but with the power to reject shitty pitches and greenlight stories about why some brands are full of shit. Plus, you get to make up headlines that are way funnier than the mainstream press.

Downside? The cannabis industry can be a mess—shady investors, regulatory nonsense, and companies that pretend to be all about the culture while secretly voting Republican. But if you land a gig with a real cannabis mag (not just some corporate front), you’ll actually get to be part of the movement instead of just watching from the sidelines.

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2. Food Service (Where Stoners Have Thrived for Decades)

If there’s a stoner-friendly industry outside of weed itself, it’s food service. Why? Because nobody cares what you do before work as long as you show up and don’t set the place on fire. In fact, being high might actually make you better at it.

• Line Cook – Ever wonder why so many chefs look like they crawled out of a Hunter S. Thompson novel? It’s because kitchen life is pure chaos, and weed is one of the only things keeping people sane.
• Barista – Yes, technically you’re dealing with caffeine addicts, but tell me a single person working in an independent coffee shop who isn’t lighting up before their shift. I’ll wait.
• Bartender – Some places drug test, but the cool ones don’t. Plus, you get the added bonus of being everyone’s therapist while they ruin their livers instead of their lungs.

Downside? Shitty hours, low pay, and the occasional knife fight in the dish pit. But hey, free food.

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3. The Arts (Where No One Even Pretends to Be Sober)

If you have a creative streak, congratulations—you’re already on the “Nobody Gives a Shit If You Smoke” career path. Artists, musicians, and writers have been operating in a haze of marijuana forever. In fact, if you’re not high, people might actually get suspicious.

• Graphic Designer – Want to get paid to make psychedelic album covers? Good news: This field is riddled with stoners.
• Musician – Unless you’re trying to get a job with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, odds are no one cares what you do.
• Tattoo Artist – If you can ink straight lines while absolutely blasted, you’re going to make a fortune.

Downside? Making a living in the arts is like winning the lottery. But at least you won’t have to pass a drug test while you’re struggling to pay rent.

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4. Remote Work (The Ultimate “Smoke on the Job” Setup)

Ah, the beauty of working from home: You can be as high as you want all the time. The real trick is finding a gig that pays you to sit on your ass while making it look like you’re working.

• Customer Service Rep (For a Company That’s Not Evil) – You answer emails. Maybe pick up a phone. Nobody sees your bloodshot eyes.
• Data Entry – If you can mindlessly type numbers into a spreadsheet while vibing to Dark Side of the Moon, this is your golden ticket.
• Virtual Assistant – Basically being someone’s assistant, but online. Bonus: You can mute Zoom meetings when you need to take a hit.

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Finding a job that doesn’t hassle you about weed is all about knowing where to look. The days of mandatory piss tests for every gig are dying, but some holdouts still think they have the right to police what you do in your free time. Fuck that noise.

The best gigs for stoners are the ones that pay you enough to afford good weed while letting you keep your dignity. Because at the end of the day, you should be judged on how well you work, not whether you like to hit a joint after clocking out.

Now go forth, get a job that doesn’t suck, and roll a fat one to celebrate.

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