Dealer’s Guide to Dealing

^{Filed Under: The Hustle, Without the Hassle}

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There’s an art to dealing weed that goes way beyond having a bag and a phone. It’s not just about being “the guy”. It’s about being the right one. The reliable one. The one people call without hesitation because they know you’ll show up, shut up, and hand over the product without making it weird.

Being a dealer doesn’t make you important. Being a good dealer does. And right now, surrounded by flashy apps, legal shops, and fast-talking TikTok hustlers, there’s still a place for the real ones. The ones who know how to move in silence, speak in full sentences, and weigh it right the first time.

If you want to keep customers, keep money in your pocket, and keep your reputation intact, here’s what separates the legends from the letdowns.

Read the Room, Know the Ritual

Pay attention. Not notes. Mental memory. Know what your people like. If your Friday regular always grabs heavy indica, and you’re pitching lemon haze every time, you’re not paying attention. If they always re-up on Sundays, maybe check in on Saturday. That’s not just good service. That’s smart dealing.

Don’t Go Ghost Without a Warning

If you’re skipping town, say something. Let them know you’re going dark for a week. Most of the time, they’ll buy more. You make extra, they stay supplied, and nobody’s scrambling. A little communication makes you look like a professional. Going silent makes you look replaceable.

Show Up or Speak Up

Say what you mean and follow through. If you promise twenty minutes and show up an hour late with no explanation, you’re not mysterious. You’re unreliable. Life happens, traffic happens, but texting takes five seconds. Silence kills trust.

Respect the Wallet That Feeds You

If someone drops serious money with you on the regular, show some consistency. Get their strain right. Don’t short them. Don’t ghost them. Treat them like a partner, not a number. If you act like you’re doing them a favor, you’re gonna lose them to someone who won’t.

Stop Treating the Parking Lot Like Church

Nobody wants to meditate in a hot car for forty-five minutes, waiting for a maybe. That’s not loyalty, that’s punishment. Be where you say you’ll be. When you say you’ll be there.

Don’t Lick the Fucking Bag

It’s not cute. It’s gross. Nobody wants your spit sealing their eighth. Use zipper bags. Use jars if you’re classy. But keep your mouth away from the merch. And while we’re here, quit hiding weed in greasy containers or wrapping it in dryer sheets like you’re trying to smuggle it through TSA. They want weed, not Downey Fresh.

Don’t Be a Surprise High

Never lace someone’s weed without telling them. Not kief. Not wax. Not hash. Not anything. Some people like a little extra, some people don’t. But everyone deserves to know. Surprise highs can ruin someone’s night, their job, or their sanity.

Count the Grams, Not the Excuses

Weigh it right. Don’t guess. Don’t round down. Don’t try to slide by. Especially with regulars. They notice. They always notice. Seeds and stems don’t count. Nobody’s paying top-shelf prices for trimmings and tree limbs.

Push Less, Listen More

Offer new stuff if you want, but don’t pressure. Some people only want flower. If they didn’t ask for a cart, don’t shove one at them like you’re on commission. Respect their lane.

Leave the Vibe at the Door

You’re not their therapist. You’re not their opener. You’re not their friend unless they make you one. Show up. Drop the weed. Keep the vibe clean. No weird stories. No long hangs. No couch dives. Be in and out like a pro.

If You Can Post Memes, You Can Text Back

Don’t flex online while dodging real messages. If you’re active on Instagram but silent in your inbox, you’re not running a business, you’re playing pretend. Be reachable.

Fake Urgency is a Real Turnoff

“This batch is flying” doesn’t mean anything when you’ve been saying it for two weeks. People know. They always know. Don’t create hype. Create trust.

Throw Something Extra Now and Then

A pre-roll. A birthday gram. A little nod that says “thanks.” Doesn’t have to be big. Just honest. Just real. People remember that.

Have Change or Get the App

Stop saying “hold it till next time.” Accept Zelle. Or Venmo. Or carry a roll of tens like an adult. Don’t make people run to an ATM. That’s not a hustle. That’s a hassle.

Be Consistent or Be Forgotten

One fire batch won’t save you from three bad ones. People don’t remember the miracle; they remember the mids. If it’s not good, say so. Don’t rename it. Don’t repackage it. Just be straight.

Deal the Right Way or Don’t Deal at All

Being a great dealer doesn’t require magic. Just consistency. Show up. Stay honest. Don’t be weird. Don’t be gross. Respect the weed. Respect the people. And whatever you do, don’t lick the bag.

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