Looks Like Cola, Tastes Like Bud: Haribo’s Accidental High

^{Filed Under: Sticky Situations}

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Haribo yanked its Happy Cola gummies from Dutch shelves after tests found traces of THC in packs that weren’t supposed to be packing anything. The story, first reported by the New York Post, triggered a full-on recall and a fresh wave of edible hysteria from people who’ve clearly never eaten a real one.

Let’s be clear. If your kid ate one of these, yeah, you’d be furious. Rightfully so. Nobody’s arguing that. But now that we’ve acknowledged that obvious truth, let’s talk about what actually happened without the media circus frothing at the mouth like Willie Wonka just opened a dispensary.

A few people, including some kids, got dizzy. Not comatose. Not convulsing. Just dizzy. According to Dutch health authorities, the cause was cannabis. Not fentanyl. Not a drain cleaner. Cannabis. In cola-shaped gummies that, frankly, already look like they belong in your older cousin’s glove compartment.

Haribo, of course, pulled the product and launched an investigation. We imagine this means interrogating stressed-out factory workers while gummy bears melt slowly under heat lamps. “Did you see anything suspicious near the sugar vats, Hans?”

Now, while the rest of the world sharpens its pitchforks, we at Pot Culture Magazine want to offer an olive branch to our gelatinous German friends:

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Dear Haribo,
If you need help “disposing” of those suspect candies,
We’ve got a few folks who are… uniquely qualified.
Call it quality control.
Call it harm reduction.
Call it volunteerism.
We call it Tuesday.

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Jokes aside, this is a real issue. Not because cannabis is dangerous, but because it was unintentional. Edibles aren’t a game of surprise roulette. If you’re going to eat one, you should know. If you’re not expecting one, you shouldn’t get one. Period.

But can we also admit this isn’t the collapse of society? Headlines screaming about “drug-laced treats” are designed to crank up outrage while skipping past nuance. There’s a difference between recklessness and accident, and if this was truly an accident, it’s a serious one. But it doesn’t require a cultural meltdown.

The real story here isn’t cannabis, it’s quality control. Who dropped the ball? How did it happen? And what’s stopping it from happening again?

Because if we don’t figure that out, this isn’t just a Haribo story. It’s a story waiting to repeat itself in someone else’s factory, with someone else’s brand, and someone else’s kid.

So yes, let’s fix the systems. Let’s keep infused products where they belong and non-infused products safe and boring. But let’s also remember that panic never solved a contamination problem. It just sells papers. And spins.

We’ll hold off on the gummy jokes. For now.
But Haribo, if you need a disposal team… we’re still listening.

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